“I just need to have my own experience with this”.

26th April 2020

Wow. That shut me up quicker than a slap to the face as the room fell deathly quiet.

I stopped for the first time and actually listened to what my partner was saying. A wave of guilt, shame and understanding all washed over me at once. It felt like my balls had just been kicked up into my chest and now sat, snuggled up against my heart.

After weeks, no, probably months of going back and forth with my partner over what should have been a simple understanding and acceptance of the other person’s position, the tension reached a boiling point.

We were debating the extremely controversial topic of tracking or intuitive eating.

She was stationed in her camp, macros and calories; with its heavily fortified walls, armed with guards at every turret, fending off each one of my attempts to break down the fortress, while I took the position below, that of the intuitive and spiritual Zen-masters, careening my moral high horse and parading it up and down the battlefield.

The fangs were out in our final showdown when suddenly she dropped that bombshell on me.

See, relationships are interesting. You can read all about the hacks and the tips to a successful partnership. You can read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”, and suddenly you’re a qualified marriage therapist. You can listen to Tom Bilyeu on Impact Theory speak on how during arguments with his significant other, he wants them to win. I mean, how hard can this stuff be!

Unfortunately, when it comes to applying these in my own relationship, my gargantuan ego convinces me that I am different. My ego tells me that I am right and that if only my partner listened to me, she would be liberated into the light that is my omnipotent perspective.

However, when she said “I just need to have my own experience with this”, it all made sense to me and sent my inflated ego scampering away with its tail between its legs.

See, upon reflection, a relationship isn’t about who is right or wrong, or who’s way is better than the other. I think a relationship is about supporting someone through their own experience of the world and providing them with the unconditional love and acceptance regardless of the outcome.

The whole point of the argument wasn’t about whether tracking calories and macros or “listening to your body” was the best way forward. The whole argument was centred around me not allowing her to have her own experience with these modalities because I felt I knew what was best.

And I never want to rob my partner of an experience. Until the next disagreement anyway…

Regardless, let’s keep riding the highs and the lows, and the glorious unpredictability of being with another completely independent individual.

Goddamn I love her.