CHANGE IS THE POINT

17 June 2020

I: Authentic Worth

“So what value could you bring to a gym?”

Sitting across the room from me was a long time CrossFit box owner in the heart of Melbourne’s CBD. Out of goodwill (or pity), this owner had agreed to offer his wisdom and experience as we discussed my chances of landing myself a coaching role at gyms across the city.

His question was direct and straight to the point, to which I would return serve with twice the heat:

“I am authentic” – I proudly announced without a moment’s hesitation.

Since committing (literally – in ink across my forearm) to be honest with others and, most importantly myself, being authentic has been something in which I am constantly striving to embody. This was to be my defining trait when it came to becoming a coach – someone who is honest, upfront and 100% themselves.

However, the owner’s response somewhat surprised me…

“Yeah I get that you want to be authentic man, but what does that actually bring to a gym? How is that something tangible and valuable?”

Blood rushed to my head as I started grappling for something smart to say, and I felt my anger rise as I went on the defence – how dare he imply that my authentic self is not enough!

And then I felt a wave of defeat wash over me as I realised he was right.

It was the first time since adopting the trait, that I felt being authentic was not enough and it became clear, that if I wanted to be a valuable asset, I would need to develop my skillset, far beyond my authentic worth.

What followed – after I had recovered from the blow to my identity – was a series of awkward encounters with different box owners over the next two weeks as I did my best to position myself as a potential asset to their gym – one owner must have misunderstood my mumble and thought I was asking him on a date, while I blatantly told another that I didn’t think I was good enough for the position. Imagine hearing that from a potential prospect…

But I found, with each experience, I improved on my ability to communicate my value, to understand the expectations of each gym, and to read the emotions of the people sitting across from me.

Through these encounters, I slowly began to learn to focus my attention outward, to other people, rather than inward, where I would constantly recycle my desire to be authentic.

And with this came a sense of confidence: confidence that I had enough experience as a coach, but more importantly as an apprentice – someone capable of learning and immersing themselves in the different gym cultures; adapting to become a thriving piece of that community.

II: Social Intelligence

Robert Greene in his book Mastery, provides the framework for achieving supreme competence – Mastery – in a chosen field, deeming Social Intelligence an integral component. Defined, Social Intelligence is:

The ability to see people in the most realistic light possible… to focus deeply on others, reading their behaviour in the moment, seeing what motivates them, and discerning any possible manipulative tendencies.

Reading this passage earlier this week, I reflected back on those first few weeks in Melbourne: the countless phone calls (and unreturned voicemails), Facebook exchanges and emails, and the occasional opportunity to sit down and converse with a potential employer; and how, without knowing, I had begun my apprenticeship in Social Intelligence.

What struck me was, after all that energy, my most valuable asset had not been my authenticity after all – it had been an accumulation of Social Intelligence, established from numerous encounters through trial and error, that had eventually established my employment. 

Robert Greene postulates:

To be truly charming and socially effective, you have to understand people, and to understand them you have to get outside yourself and immerse your mind in their world.

It is only when I began to look at myself through the eyes of these owners; immersing my mind in their world, did I begin to generate the momentum by which I would eventually become an employee of theirs.

When I eased my white knuckled grip on my desire to be seen as authentic, forgoing the self-obsessive tendency to consider only my desires, did I contemplate the motivations behind my potential employers.

Put simply, I considered: what do they want, rather than what do I want.

III: Chameleon Adaptations

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a chameleon is “a lizard that changes skin colour to match what surrounds it so that it cannot be seen”.

This elusive reptile has evolved traits that allow it to blend in with its surroundings – to become synonymous with its external environment as a means of survival.

The chameleon is a master at adapting to an ever changing landscape.

However, as I have experienced, a chameleon is not always characterised as a lizard: there are many a chameleon, living among us, as two legged hominoids.

Whether or not we are aware of it, we are constantly changing colour; shifting to suit the landscape, adapting the appropriate mask to be donned in public circles – a performance in the social arena that is our day to day lives.

Therefore, the Cambridge Dictionary also defines a chameleon as “a person who changes his or her opinions or behaviour to please other people”.

However, I’m not sure that this additional definition is entirely accurate, as this paints the social chameleon in a somewhat negative light, if the sole purpose is to please others.

This would imply that the changing of opinions and behaviours to please other people suggests there has been a compromise in integrity – a chink in ones armour of authenticity.

But…

What if, just as the successful chameleons of the first definition, the people who are able to evolve and effortlessly adapt to any changing environment, are not merely viewed as weak of character, but a strength; a heightened awareness – a Social Intelligence.

What if, these modern day chameleons remain committed to fulfilling their purpose, remaining in integrity with their goals, and unwavering in their conquest of their Life’s Task? (to use another Robert Greene reference). Isn’t that what being authentic is about, in its grander sense?

What if, instead of a lack of authenticity, this is the ultimate commitment towards it – generating the necessary skillset to pursue that which derives supreme fulfilment?

IV: The Defining Trait

During my interviews with various box owners, I asked each one of them:

“What is the defining trait you believe makes a good coach?”, to which, every owner answered differently.

One owner said it was someone who was always on – someone who can pick up a flaw in any movement and be onto it straightaway, ensuring everyone is moving to the best of their abilities.

Another said that it was someone who was reliable – someone who he can trust to be taking a class and have full confidence in that coach, knowing they are delivering an excellent service.

A personality and growth mindset was another’s – you can learn how to coach a squat from a textbook, but you can’t read your way into a personality.

I would like to throw my own hat into the mix – if it counts for anything.  

The defining trait that makes a good coach is someone that can adapt to an ever-changing social environment. She is able to read emotions effectively, immersing herself in the mind of others.

A good coach is someone who cares deeply for the people under his care, and because of this, he adjusts his temperament, instruction, and energy to suit the needs of his members. He is versed in empathy and committed to meeting his members where they are at.

A good coach is someone who is authentic in their purpose to provide people with the best hour of their day. They are 100% themselves in giving people what they need – no comprises in their integrity or character.

A good coach is an Authentic People Pleaser.